We go through life using a lot of "ifs." We like to think we know how we would handle certain situations. "If a drunk driver killed my family member..." "If I broke both of my legs..." "If I lost my child..."
In the past few months, I have heard similar things said to me. "If I were you, I would..." or "If I went through that..." But the reality is, we DON'T know. You don't know. I don't know. There is a common phrase that says, "We don't know what we don't know." And that is okay. I don't want other people to know the pain I have experienced in losing Jensen. I don't want other people to know the pain of seeing their spouse grieve their dad. There are probably things you have experienced that you would not wish anyone else to know the pain of either.
The reality is, we have no idea how we will react to certain events in our lives. There is no guidebook on how to react in those seconds after receiving life-changing news. Yes, there are some Bible verses we can recall: "In your anger, do not sin (Eph. 4:26)" "Do everything without grumbling or arguing (Phil. 2:14)" but those verses are not giving specifics on our particular situations. Why do we think we know how we would react to situations when we have not lived through them ourselves?
I have heard parents say, "If my child did that..." but they truly do not know what they would do. I think these statements are ways to somehow give advice when someone does not know what to say. Grief makes others feel uncomfortable. When someone is forever changed by the death of someone they love, other people often have no idea of how to react or what to say. There is no consolation to a grieving parent to tell them, "If it were me..." or "If this happened to me." The only people that may have some say in giving this type of advice would be those who have experienced similar things, and in that case, they would not be saying "if." They would be saying "when." "When I went through something similar, I..." or "When I went through a similar situation, this helped me, and it may help you."