"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the
wellspring of life." - Proverbs 4:23
This is a verse I have known for a long time. Until recently, I always thought this was specifically talking about sin and temptation. But over the past few months, I have come to realize that "guarding your heart" can be done in many different ways. In today's society, you've probably heard people say they need to set boundaries. Isn't guarding your heart like setting boundaries?
(Side note: if you really think about it, most well-meaning worldly advice actually comes from the Bible.)
Guarding my heart has been a top priority for me since the end of May. I have unfollowed or hidden probably over 100 people who have had pregnancy or baby announcements, or those who post about their babies. I do not at all wish anything bad for these people and families. But it hurts my heart so much to see them. I have held my ears when I heard a baby crying. I have left stores and restaurants when I've heard a baby crying. I have turned off TV shows, movies and the radio when I hear stories about babies or being a mom. I have blocked out conversations about others' pregnancies and baby announcements. I have clicked the "X" on social media to avoid seeing baby posts.
I have even removed posts that are of people who are now teenagers or adults but the post is of them as a baby! I know what they look like now. I know they aren't a baby now, but when I see those pictures, it's like a siren starts going off in my mind. I even started crying a few months ago after hearing a story about one of my brothers when he was a baby. It sounds crazy, I know.
These are all things I have done to "guard my heart." These are things we call "triggers" or "grief ambushes." These are things you don't see coming, but when they do some, they feel like a punch in the gut. Some things don't bother me as much as others. These things come and go, without any pattern.
I have also gotten more comfortable saying "no" to things. Declining invitations to things has been so helpful to me. I know I need to value physical and emotional rest and my mental health.
Guarding my heart is important. Whether I guard my heart against potential pain, sin, temptation, or waves of grief.
"...for it is the wellspring of life."