It's a day I have been dreading. "Happy" doesn't feel right. Our "normal" still doesn't feel real. It doesn't make sense. We still have questions and doubts. We had our baby boy with us last Thanksgiving, so he should be here now. When I went to school for my master's at OSU, we had a time where throughout the campus ministry, we would spend 24-hours in prayer. I would sign up for an hour or two each time, and during that hour, I wrote a prayer of thanks. I made it a goal to thank the Lord for at least 100 things. Lately, I have tried to consider the blessings and how God is still working in our lives despite deep heartache. So today I took the time to write out 100 things I am grateful for, in no particular order.


  1. Ty - my best friend, my person
  2. My parents
  3. My brothers, sisters-in-law, nephew & niece
  4. My grandparents
  5. Aunts, uncles
  6. Cousins
  7. God's provision
  8. God's salvation
  9. Jesus' sacrifice
  10. Our church family
  11. Our house
  12. My PhD program
  13. Ty's job
  14. Our pups
  15. My in-laws
  16. My best friends
  17. Creation and nature
  18. Music
  19. Our GriefShare group
  20. My Bible study with Hope Mommies
  21. AC/heater, wifi
  22. Phone and laptop
  23. The Bible
  24. Freedom of religion
  25. My education
  26. Jensen
  27. Keys to Dream Travel
  28. My car
  29. Being able to wear my wedding ring again :)
  30. My hometown
  31. Counseling
  32. Gyms
  33. Disney parks
  34. Vacations
  35. Healing
  36. Recovery
  37. Health
  38. Kind people
  39. Chai lattes, pizza, ice cream
  40. Laughter
  41. Ty's ability to make me laugh a lot
  42. Date nights
  43. My marriage
  44. Sports
  45. Pumpkins
  46. Fall weather
  47. Books
  48. Colors
  49. Exercise
  50. Faith and hope
  51. Flowers
  52. Forgiveness
  53. God
  54. Jesus
  55. Grace
  56. College
  57. Technology, internet
  58. Memories
  59. Movies
  60. Medicine
  61. Mornings, Nights
  62. Naps
  63. Quartz Mountain Christian Camp
  64. Worship
  65. Photos
  66. Silence, Rest
  67. Sleep
  68. Seasons
  69. FaceTime
  70. Social media
  71. Water
  72. Past church families
  73. Walks
  74. Animals
  75. Hobbies
  76. Being Jensen's mom
  77. Taking Jensen to Disney World, Disneyland, San Diego Zoo, NYC
  78. All of the memories from pregnancy (showers, gender reveal, nursery decorating)
  79. Crafts
  80. Healthcare
  81. Hospitality
  82. Funny videos
  83. Warm water
  84. Having known great-grandparents
  85. Everyone who sent cards, gifts, texts this year for Jensen
  86. OSU's football season ending soon
  87. Bubbles
  88. Being able to cook and bake
  89. The USA & our military
  90. Strawberry refreshers
  91. Hugs
  92. Heaven
  93. Podcasts
  94. Getting coffee with friends
  95. Living close to family
  96. GPS because otherwise I would always be lost
  97. Journaling, drawing, coloring
  98. Spending time with Ty
  99. Spending time with family and friends
  100. Being able to see Jensen again someday